Bill Engvall, Larry the Cable Guy, Ron White and Jeff Foxworthy sit down besides each other and tell a couple of their favorite jokes. They will make you laugh till you cry in this crazy collection of Blue Collar Comedy Tour quotes.
God, she’s growing up, and I don’t know when it happened, man. I used to buy her Minnie Mouse panties and little Winnie the Pooh underwear. I was helping my wife fold cloths. I picked up a pair of skimpy underwear. I looked at my wife and said:
“When you gonna wear these for me?” She goes, “I can’t. They’re your daughter’s.” “Aaaaaaahhhhhh! No, No, No!” There was nothing to them! The how-to-wash tag was the biggest piece of cloth on there.
But, uh… It’s been one of those years like that for me. In February, I was doing a show in the northern part of Minnesota. It was so cold. Beautiful place, it was so cold. It was like fifteen below zero. And after the show, we were talking to some guys backstage, and they were trying to talk us into going ice fishing with them. It’s fifteen degrees below zero! I said, “Guys, you know what, I really appreciate it.” I said, “I don’t really think I want to be that cold.” And one of the guys goes “Oh, it’s not that cold.” He goes “We build a big bonfire out on the lake.”
And you call us stupid in the South?
But the best one… The best one I’ve seen yet happened in Los Angeles, California. I got stuck behind a big rig that wedged his trailer up underneath an overpass and me and the trucker are waiting on the side of the road on the tow truck driver. Well, the highway patrolman pulls up and looks at the guy’s rig and he looks at the trucker and I’m thinking, “Oh, Dear God, he can’t say it,” ’cause I’ll start laughing. Sure enough, he goes, “You get your truck stuck?” And God bless this trucker, without missing a beat, he goes: “Nope. I was delivering that overpass and I ran out of gas. Here’s your sign.”
I do have a few new redneck words for you.
First one – “mayonnaise.” “Mayonnaise a lot of people here this evening.” It’s kind of a gift. They come to me in my sleep. I write them down.
Brand new one: “aorta.” “Aorta cut that grass down by the ballfield so the kids don’t get hurt.”
Is this not the stupidest thing you’ve ever heard in your life?
“Initiate.” “My wife ate two hamburgers, initiate a bag of potato chips.”
And last but not least…
“widjadidja.” “You didn’t bring your truck widjadidja?”
Hey Bill, I’ve got one. My son, Tater Tot, is covered with moles. No, my son, when he was six years old, was going to fly by himself from Dallas to Austin, to spend a week with his grandparents. I’m putting him on the plane; his grandmother is going to take him off the plane. And the woman who I was buying the ticket from asks, “Is there going to be anyone in Austin to pick him up when he gets off the plane?”
Nope, I’m gonna pin a twenty dollar bill to his collar and wish him the best of luck! Here’s your sign!